Would You Get Married Without Being in Love?

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Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

I’m really struggling to get to grips with this one. I’ve always thought I’d meet someone, we’d click, fall in love, he’d propose and we’d get married. Sadly, this hasn’t happened. Everything after the first bit – meeting someone – hasn’t happened. Actually to be fair, I’ve clicked with a couple of people, but it’s not progressed beyond that. So I can’t say I’ve ever been in love, and at the age of 26 turning 27, that’s a teeny bit depressing. Especially given the fact, my mum expects me to go from single to married asap. Ah the logic of Indian culture:

From primary school, throughout university it’s always been: steer clear of boys. And now that I’m done with studying and working full time it’s: when are you getting married? 

Hmm, not quite sure this works. Well I understand it from a cultural point of view, marriage is what’s expected. And culturally, marriage is considered from a practical point of view, for example are you compatible with someone in terms of age, education, family etc. What everyone fails to mention are the cornerstones of attraction, chemistry etc, all the stuff that doesn’t fit neatly into a marriage CV, or your ‘biodata’. Maybe it’s because the older Indian generation didn’t grow up with Disney that they fail to see where I’m coming from with this.

But what I’m really unsure about is whether it’s possible for love to grow.

Can you marry someone without being in love, in the hope that love will come with time? 

If you do, is that romantic love or companionship?

Is it possible to experience romantic love without attraction?

My mind boggles with all of the above. But as I’m getting older, or too ‘old’ in the eyes of some Indian aunties, I’m questioning whether sparks exist. Maybe I’m becoming pessimistic with age. 


10 thoughts on “Would You Get Married Without Being in Love?

  1. Interesting post, and I don’t feel I can answer your questions, which are ones I wonder about too. I have felt chemistry and been in love, but I do wonder if some people give chemistry too much emphasis, expecting to feel it immediately on meeting someone, whereas I have had it develop over time. In fact, I think it’s a fascinating topic and will be blogging on it soon. Don’t worry though, you’re still young (no matter what some of your aunties think, and you have plenty of time still!).

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    1. You know I feel like I give chemistry too much emphasis! When it developed over time was it still as strong a feeling? In my mind itโ€™s like a spark ๐Ÿ˜‚

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  2. I had an arranged marriage, it did not work out. My sister had a love marriage it did not work out. Many friends and family have had wonderful arranged marriages and love marriages and many have had bad ones. It really is about 2 people who really respect one another as a person, spark or no spark. Beautiful things can be created when 2 people want to and when 2 beautiful people may not agree on anything, everything can be destroyed. Give both a chance, meet people through the arranged marriage way and try to go out there and meet someone on your own. My best piece of advice? Marry someone that is or can be your best friend, it will be the best union ever! Venya

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    1. That is so true! I’ve also seen it work and fail both ways, definitely no magic answer to this one – bar as you’ve said, the importance of respecting the other person and ideally marrying your best friend! I agree on the latter, as a spark might fade, but a strong friendship would not. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply! It’s helpful and insightful hearing other perspectives on this ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. This question has been the bane of my dating existence! Going on date after date, searching for that spark – and when I think I have found it, the relationship not working out for x,y,z reason, it is insanely frustrating!

    I choose to be optimistic and I firmly believe it’s out there – every guy will be the wrong one until you find the right one. We (as first generation Punjabi women) have the world at our fingertips, things that generations before us could only dream of. I refuse to believe love would be a compromise

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    1. We are so on the same page in terms of the waiting for the spark and the right guy! There have been times when I have doubted whether it’s out there – but surely it is right? The prospect of compromising or settling fills me with dread. And it’s so true we have so many more opportunities than the generation that came before us, we should definitely take advantage of it – but it’s often easier said then done when it comes to dealing with the pressure of family and the idea of settling down!

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