I’ve realised I’m subject to a particular pattern when it comes to my dating life, an unfortunate pattern to say the least. OK, so to say a ‘curse’ is obviously melodramatic, but it’s gotten to a point where I just feel like throwing my hands up to the Big Cheese and saying, “really?!” And I know I won’t be alone in this pattern, but I’m yet to break this pattern, even once. So, basically I seem forever cursed to end up in situations where feelings aren’t reciprocated. Either a guy likes me and I don’t feel the same, or I like a guy and he doesn’t feel the same – or in a couple of cases, doesn’t feel enough, as in he feels enough to casually date, but not progress beyond that. That said, does casual dating require any particular feeling at all?
My most recent dating fail came to an end last night. He was a nice guy, I can’t fault him in that regard. But yesterday was our fourth and final date. There was zero chemistry. I found it difficult to converse with him and found a lot of our conversations repetitive. I’m not sure if he was nervous, or shy perhaps, but there was no banter and laughter – and not just on that date, generally. And when I say generally, I mean no banter or laughter face-to-face, over WhatsApp – nothing. But he was nice and he made it evident that he was interested in pursuing things further. I went on the date with the intention to draw it to a close face-to-face, but I chickened out. I know it’s awful, but I couldn’t I bring myself to end things face-to-face.
We went for lunch and a wonder around Covent Garden, which ordinary I’d be quite happy with, but yesterday it just felt difficult. And to top things off, the weather was awful, although expecting good weather in London in late November is just plain crazy. And when lunch drew to a close, I insisted on footing the bill. I mean how can you dump someone just after they’ve bought you lunch, seems a bit harsh no? But despite my very strong insistence, he paid. And added, “don’t worry you can cover it next time”, which was exactly what he said on our previous date. On hearing him say that, I felt a major pang of guilt, knowing I had no intention to see him again.
After our date, he was ever the gentleman and text me soon after to ask me if I got home safely and enjoyed our date, adding that we should go to the theatre next time. Queue second pang of major guilt. And then I was a complete wimp and proceeded to end things over WhatsApp. Bitch move I know.
But you can’t date someone out of guilt right? I wanted to like him, I wanted there to be chemistry. I had my doubts after the first couple of dates, but I thought with a bit more time the conversation and connection would improve. But sadly it didn’t. What I did realise yesterday though, is I’m feeling some couple envy of late. Not of couples I know, but generally. Wandering around Covent Garden and seeing seemingly happy couples in the festive setting just made me think, “what am I doing wrong?” That said, I do believe in God, and the idea the Big Cheese has a plan for everything. I just wish he would shed a little more light on my plan. And introduce me to my lifetime penguin pretty soon, after all I’m not getting any younger!